Our Town – April 2023

The Soupster Visits Noah.

“How do you do, Soupster?” said Noah.

Shaking his long beard wearily, Noah continued, “I know this was the only time you could meet, Soupster, but you have to remember this is my busy time of year. I can’t promise you will receive my highest quality Ark tour today.

“That being said, let’s start by introducing some of the first creatures that I nestled on board. Say hello to the Red and Blue King Crabs, and the Golden King Crabs – two of each, of course. Don’t let them pinch you.”

“Say, Noah, do you actually separate the species into ‘clean’ and ‘unclean’ the way it says in the book?”

“Oh my no,” said Noah. “That little nicety went by the wayside many days and many nights ago – too many to count.”

“Now, here are the Sea Cucumbers,” Noah stretched out his arm.

The Soupster interrupted, “I’ve always wondered about them – are they animal, vegetable or mineral?”

“What do you think this is, Soupster – What’s My Line? They are invertebrate echinoderms with soft, leathery skins. Now, let’s go across and you can greet the Geoducks, which before you ask, are neither ‘gooey’ nor ‘ducks’ – they are a kind of clam. Though you might not want to shake hands with them.”

“What are those two smoky-looking creatures in the corner, Noah?”

“Ah, those are the Black Cod. Although they prefer the more glam term ‘Sablefish.’”

“Speaking of colors, Noah, is it true there are different colors of King Salmon?”

“Chinook, or King, Salmon come in both red and ivory,” sighed Noah patiently. “The different colors come from how they metabolize pigments differently.”

“Tell me, Noah – do you have some plants here on the Ark?”

“Well, in this light-controlled room (now be very quiet), we have two species of plants – Kelp and Hemlock trees. These were donated by an anonymous benefactor, for us to create homey niches for the Herring.”

“The Herring?” echoed the Soupster.

“Oh, yes, all 340 tons of them – fortunately, that number is divisible by two.”

“Noah, what’s that awful, loud gabbling noise I hear?”

“That would be the Seagulls – they get really agitated even by mention of herring. And, I’m sorry to say, they are not as bright as the Ravens and the Eagles. Let me tell you, it’s a challenge to keep those latter two species entertained.”

“It is?” said the Soupster.

“Absolutely. We had to organize a speed-dating event so Eagles could meet Ravens and vice versa. What a headache!”

“What about Human Beings?”

“That is something I am still debating. They tend to be very egocentric and use up all the oxygen in the room. I’m not sure it’s worth it. Oh-oh, Soupster, I hear my cell phone ringing – it’s probably FEMA calling to warn me about the Flood. They are so OCD. Bye, guy!”

…

The Soupster awoke with a start. This was the morning he was scheduled to visit NOAA. He probably shouldn’t have read Genesis right before bed last night!